Winter’s icy chill is still warmer than my heart.

A numbing cold that drives fear into men

Alas, it’s too late for me to feel anything.

Misleading with your smile, arousing passion with your embrace,

You thought you had me fooled.

“This one is just temporary” you said, thrusting into my being.

You are used to having your way,

A sly, handsome Casanova,

Stealing kisses, but destroying dreams along your path.

Karma always comes full circle to those who ruthlessly punish the hopeful.

You say you see me, but you don’t.

You think you know me, but that’s wishful thinking.

You have no idea who you led to your bed that night.

No clue that a demon has attached itself to your psyche.

You see my darling, I always get what I want

And what I want is you.

I want your eyes to look at me, like I’m an oasis in your desert.

I want your lips to caress me, like I’m nourishment to your soul.

Your arms should hold me tight, as if you’re clinging to your dying breath.

You should desire me…your one and only reason for existing.

For now, I let you have your way, treating me like a toy on a shelf.

Dusting me off when it suits you, checking in rarely to make sure I’m still there…for you.

Little do you know that all it takes is a word,

A summoning from me to them and then to you

And then, I’ll pull your strings as you dance to my tune.

Forever a pawn in my dark, lonely universe.

It’s a good thing I don’t feel, otherwise, for you, I’d feel sorry,

But you swapped your chance for freedom, when you decided you were King.

You see, in Athena’s world, I rule alone.

I’m Queen of my own empire and I say who joins my army of fallen lovers.

So keep glancing my way darling,

Your eyes will be stuck soon.

The gates are slowly opening and the devils will lead the way.

Come hither to my beck and call.

Gaze at my Kingdom which will never be yours,

But feel free to make yourself at home.

In the mausoleum of my wretched mind, your marbled sarcophagus is ready.

I’ll keep you company in the fires of my hell.

Death, is only the beginning.


Today my light will be extinguished…but my memory will live on. You will question yourself forever as to why you simply let me go. Right now I ask myself why wasn’t I ever enough for you? A simple soul, I required nothing but your love. Money, estate and fame could never warm my heart the way you did…at least in my mind.
My poor, delusional mind. That I could have actually thought I was capable of being loved, was such a mistake.Me? Special? ….’So amazing’ you once said. Such lies.
When others demanded your time you gave it freely. When they took advantage, you did not mind. When they slandered me, you willingly accepted it without question. And yet…you are the man I chose to love. They say fools are happy, but sadly I am not.
Today, I will awaken from my dying dream. I will release you from the mental bonds with which I had you entwined. You are free to be with whomever you choose. Not that she will bring you any peace…nor will I ever again. For in the wretched flame of desire, I see only your reflection. Only a man I had craved and prayed for everyday…for nothing.
I have deserved the best but got very little. Not barely enough to comfort me when I cried into my pillow for you. Not even close enough to make me feel wanted. You always lured me in, just to toss me back out without warning.
Be gone then. Since you seem to know so much about what’s good for my life, go on. I’ll stand here with the bitter truth obliterating what’s left of my esteem. Tearing at the shattered heart that is broken beyond repair. Cementing the fact that the ones who love truest, are destined to die from heartbreak over and over again. I have brought so much happiness to others, yet I await my own.
They say God is love, so perhaps it is time to meet my Maker and finally have the one thing I have searched for all my life.
The girl you knew is gone…There is nothing left for you to damage.
(c) 2017, Donna Philip, All rights reserved