Misguided

Beware of how you treat me,
Today may be my last day.
Your unhappy, little secret
May soon be going away.

She’s done everything she can to please you
Shows you her love and so much more.
But your list of concerns have no space for her,
And it hurts her to the core.

She knows that you do not love her.
Everything else in your life comes first.
But she happily accepts the scraps of your affection,
To fulfil an undying, emotional thirst.

One day soon she’ll be gone and you’ll move on.
At least, that’s what you believe.
But you’re just a pawn in her one man game,
Destined to find from her, no reprieve.

For you still don’t realize I’m encrypted in your heart,
And will forever have your body and mind.
Your thoughts are mine, your kisses just for me.
And you thought the power was thine…

It’s time you stopped fighting my love,
And accept that your destiny is with me.
I will never release you to another.
With this dark goddess, you will never be free.

Maybe I’m being selfish you say,
And should just give you back your free will?
But you too have toyed with my emotions.
Such acts gave you a powerful thrill.

Now you’re mine and there’s no escape.
I will love you till the end of time.
A pact in blood carved into the realms of infinite fire.
Your end is just our beginning.

(c) 2017, Donna Philip, All rights reserved.

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

I once asked my Dad, “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” To my surprise, he replied “I’d want to be able to read people’s minds”. “But Daddy” I said, quite flustered, “Wouldn’t you want to fly? Wouldn’t you like to shoot lightning bolts from your fingers and zap people?!” Mind you, I was about 7 or 8 years old and thought that his idea of a super power was, well, Boring!

Fast forward 26 years later and here I am wishing that I could read people’s minds too! Life is funny isn’t it? It might not be a flashy offering of oneself, but boy or boy, the amount of pain and suffering I could have saved myself if I had known what people’s true thoughts were upfront. From professional and platonic to romantic and intimate. No one is perfect, but by God, there are some vipers out there just waiting to chew you up and spit out your soul to the devil!

In the professional world, I’ve met older persons who I thought had my best interests at heart. These were supposed to be mentors, persons I looked up to and hoped to emulate one day. Sadly, all they saw was another pretty face who they believed they could take advantage of and believe me, they tried. I count my lucky stars up to today, that my parents raised me with morals and the good sense to know my worth.

I lost my father at 16 and for some reason, many people see a young girl without a dad as vulnerable, naive and easy prey. Fortunately, I stood my ground. It wasn’t easy being pressured, insulted and made to feel as if I was disposable. I can remember all the times I heard “There are many other young ladies out there who would DO ANYTHING to have your job”. By ‘ANYTHING’ just think of the despicable acts that would be demanded of them for just a few dollars and shabby treatment. Thank God I never gave in. Bigger and better things were in store for me and I conquered in so many ways.

My Aries nature has bestowed upon me a certain fire and the propensity to hate fiercely when really pushed to the brink. Mind you, I don’t hold grudges. Once I categorize where you stand in my life, or out of it, I act decisively. Time has helped. Now, if I decide to cut you off, you are DEAD to me. There’s no going back, there will be no forgiveness, you just simply cease to exist. I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences. They happen ALL the time. So many public figures here in T&T and around the world pretend to be these decent, upstanding individuals when in reality, they are the lowest class of scum! You don’t have to look too far for them. Some fathers, uncles and elders also think nothing of abusing those care they have been entrusted. Disgusting creatures. Karma always gets to them.

I’ve also encountered many fakers who called themselves ‘friends’. They are people who sought to associate with me to find out my business, so that they could twist the truth and run with it to every corner and eager ear. Others figured that because of my standing,  they could benefit somehow from knowing me so “we’ll keep close to her, even though we don’t really like her. She might be able to help us”. The User Bunch. You know the type. Smiling in your face and laughing at you behind your back. Pretending to care while they pick apart and criticize your life. Those experiences have also taught me a lot so today, I keep my circle extremely small. Unlike many people, I don’t go out to lunches or dinners or meet up with guys. If I do, it’s because you’re MY guy and we’re in a relationship. That’s just how I personally choose to live my life. I want no one crossing the line or creating problems for my personal relationships which I take VERY seriously. If you do see me out with friends, it’s one group ALL the time—-people whose intentions I don’t question whatsoever.

As for romantic relationships. Ha! What a joke. I could write a book on this topic! Man is a funny species, just like women I suppose. You can be the sweetest, kindest, most loving and giving woman to him and he’ll still prove what an a$$hole he can be, not because he’s not happy, but because he can. Many men seem to think their options are limitless. They can keep having fun and lying to women forever and still be a ‘Dan’. No morons, you’re idiots and trust me, you will get exactly what you deserve.

There are men who think their time is running out to reproduce and so, in desperation, they must land someone to have a child with. To that bunch, who would cruelly lure in the innocent and color their dreams with hope, only to shatter them mercilessly, you deserve to end up rotting alone. There are so many stories I’ve heard of men who, in the beginning, pretended to love women, gain their trust, even get them pregnant in a few instances and then, started to treat them like dirt. Some women built their entire lives around these worthless men, only to end up mentally destroyed and physically hurt, in some cases. There are those who are married but pretend to be single and have the world of excuses as to why they’re ‘always busy’. Uh huh. Shameless. Another blog will be dedicated to you special individuals. Why can’t people be straightforward (men and women) and give the other person a real choice? Steupes…

On the other side of the spectrum, we’ve got the leeches nowadays who want sugar mommies to take care of them. Call me old fashioned, but a REAL MAN takes care of his woman. If madam wants to work and contribute financially, that’s all well and good. Money is money either way. But don’t tell me that as a hard back man, you expect to sit your behind at home, grinning to your friends that “wifey holds me down”. HELLLLL NO. If wifey, of her own volition chooses to keep a house-man, that’s a different story. I’m traditional. The man is head of the household–not head of me–but head of the home. If he’s contributing financially and keeping you comfy and paying bills, then the least you could do is be faithful, keep the house clean, cook brother man’s meals on time and don’t be a miserable nag. (Another post will deal with wotless women…yea…you guys know the type.)

In the last category, we’ve just got the suave fools who don’t even bother to hide their superiority complexes. They will have a good woman, and do everything in their power to belittle and hurt her, in public and behind closed doors. At first, they pretend to be so interested in you and your life. They charm you into thinking hey, my Knight has arrived! Little by little though, the facade falls off and as soon as they realize they’ve got you–BAM–the abuse begins. You all are pitiful.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing I tell you! They are everywhere and sometimes, you won’t have to look too hard to see their fangs poking out from under the fluff. The important thing is that after all these years, I have finally come home to me and I am quite comfortable at last, in my own skin. I have finally learned to love myself. One more thing, in case you ladies are just feeling disillusioned after reading this: There ARE good men out there, fabulous ones in fact. No matter how much you’ve been hurt, when you meet the right one, he’ll envelope you in warmth, love and a real sense of security. Someone who will, for once in your life, make the effort to show affection and treat you like his Queen. Keep the spark of hope alive for better days are coming 🙂

Why I don’t care

I was brought up to care. To care about what people thought of me. To care about the feelings of others. To care about my appearance and the facade I portrayed to the world. When something is drilled into your mind that much, it becomes all you know. No one taught me to value the inner me and to pay attention to my own wants and needs. After all, if i’m good to others, they’ll be good to me…right? Ha! Hardy… har.. har!

34 years later, I’ve learnt not to give a hoot, a rat’s behind, a farthing…I’ve learnt not to give a damn. It’s true what they say about not being able to please all the people all of the time. But here’s what: Why is it that you should even care that much about PLEASING anyone? I’m not saying go out there and be the baddest bitch that you can. I’m also not saying that you should walk over people and take their feelings for granted. What I am saying is that you should please YOURSELF first. Being selfish is not a bad thing and certainly not in this wretched world where it’s all man for himself.

Too often we spend our entire lives sitting  on the damn fence. You don’t want to offend this one, you’re scared of saying something untoward about that one and why?…Because they won’t like you?! WHO BLOODY CARES? At this point in my life, I am civil to most. I respect everyone’s opinions, religion, gender (because it’s mixed up these days), and way of life in general. I treasure and appreciate the very, very few people in my life who contribute to my happiness. I am indifferent to many and as for hate…hmm…for me to detest your soul, you must have REALLY F@#ked up. Unfortunately, I can count those miserable individuals on less than one hand. Don’t worry though, they are pushed way back into the recesses of my mind. I don’t dwell on them. They never deserved my time anyway.

If I love you, you have ALL of me and everything that I represent. I will stop at nothing to avenge you and I’ll do everything in my power to color your life beautiful and happy. If I merely dislike you, i’ll stay out of your way and you better have enough sense to stay out of mine. Again, if I hate you, YOU’LL KNOW…TRUST ME. I’m not a fence sitter. I pick sides and I don’t care who agrees with my choice or not. I don’t believe in being a hypocrite. How does that benefit anyone?

I’m true to me and you should follow suit. How many times have you jumped over bridges for people who didn’t even step over a puddle for you? Many times i’m sure.  I’m also sure the goody goody universal creatures will argue that I “shouldn’t hate” and I “should be kind to everyone, regardless of how they treated me” and that “karma will take care of them”. Uh huh…sure. Don’t get me wrong. I love karma. It’s real and it will bite you in the ass, if that’s what you deserve. But I also don’t see the point in pretending. If I don’t like you, get over it. You won’t die. How many people have I given my time, effort, love and devotion to, who just didn’t give a damn about me? Ummm….SEVERAL! I don’t forgive and forget. If you’re big enough to knowingly hurt me, then you should be large enough to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.

I am a darling, fun to be with, funny, witty and charming. If you’re good to me, you’ll get the same in return. Mind you, I have a short fuse and don’t tolerate bullsh!t. I will call you out on it. No, I wasn’t always like this. I was the sweet, lovable pushover, raised to turn the other cheek and treat my enemies like kings…..SCREW THAT! I am NOT my mother. No longer will I bend to other’s whims because I’m scared of ‘what people will think’. No longer will I cower because I was raised to think that certain people are better than me. People will be treated as they deserve to be. Zero pretensions!

Life is too short to worry about what others think. By all means, help out whenever you can and be kind but DON’T be taken advantage of. These days, people will take and take until you have no more to give and then…they’ll leave you without so much as a second thought. It’s a different time we’re living in. Do something nice for yourself every day. Take a drive, cook a meal, wear that ridiculous outfit that no one likes but you. You are a unique being, placed on this earth for a specific purpose and for a limited time. Be an original, not a carbon copy of anyone else. Mind your business. Take naps. Treat yourself, but don’t squander your money. Beware of the leeches, the users, the sponges–those whose sole purpose is to criticize and suck the living daylights out of you. Live your life on your own terms and of course, Pray, pray, PRAY. There are invisible beings all around us just waiting to be let in. But whether you encourage the darkness or embrace the light, is an entirely different story and left for another day. I’ve been to both worlds. Wouldn’t you like to hear what transpired? Maybe I care…but maybe, just maybe, I…