The “good” woman. Fact or fiction?

We have ALL heard men complaining that there are no “good” women left. Probably just as much as women are bemoaning the fact that “good” men don’t exist and if they do, they’re either married or gay. Hmmm…so…the “good” woman. Does she exist or is she just a myth? The word “good” is debatable and it all depends on what you’re looking for. Bas might want someone who cooks and cleans, sleeps with him whenever he wants and keeps her mouth shut. Keith may prefer a lady who works and pays some bills, but one who also takes care of the home and children, without complaining. Then there’s Patrick who fawns over his lady. He wants to be man of the house, pay bills and help with the housework. His darling is there to be treasured.

Each of these men could find what they’re looking for in the pool of women that exist. However, they’ll need to look long and hard. The age of technology and the popularity of social media has made it easy for anyone with an internet connection to display their ‘talents’ to the world. Unfortunately, that comprises these days of “who could skin up the best”, “wine down the lowest”, “be the better cuss bud” or “baddest gangsta chic”. Some post recordings of what their ideal man should be and they aren’t ashamed to say “he needs to be very rich and take care of me. Don’t expect me to cook because I have better things to do like go to the spa and go to movies with my friends. Oh! and he should drive a Benz and buy me one too.” Classy ain’t it? It’s no wonder that many men are scared to date or even marry nowadays.

I often wonder what these women’s parents filled their heads with while growing up. We know that many mothers try to live vicariously through their daughters, and so, turn them into mini versions of themselves or, what they wanted to become. Sorry to say, but if your mother is/was a gold digging, nagging creature, then chances are, you’re going to emulate that too. If she was meek and submissive and tolerated abuse of any kind, that’s ingrained in you and you’re likely to follow suit. It all starts from the home and I pity those who had no suitable role models to look up to. There are some mothers who point blank tell their daughters, “breed fuh him, den make him mind yuh”; or “make sure he gives you his salary at the end of the month eh, dat is yours!”. Uh huh……rightttt.

I have zero problem with a man taking care of his woman. In fact, it’s his duty to. My issue lies in what exactly are YOU, as a woman, bringing to the table in your relationship? Are you just taking and taking and draining homeboy? Or are you doing YOUR DUTY and helping him become a better version of himself? Are you building him or destroying him and by extension, souring any prospect of a happy life together? For those stay at home wives or girlfriends, when he comes home after a long day, is he greeted with a clean home and a home cooked meal or is the pile of dirty dishes staring him in his face, while you update your Facebook status? Do you ask him how his day was, or do you start nagging him about X,Y and Z and the fact that you need money to color your hair?

Many men are often taken advantage of because many women do not know how to act in a relationship, or even conduct themselves in public. Who vex loss. It’s the truth. You’re with your man at an event, and yet, chatting up another man or flirting with his best friend. You’re in a committed relationship, yet you choose to keep close to several other men “just in case”. Some women take pride in verbally lashing out at their men in public, with the intention of humiliating him and showing his friends and family, who the REAL BOSS is. Others have a good man, but use their children as leverage. You take the maintenance money for yourself or the ‘outside’ man, neglect the child/children and STILL refuse to let their father see them or spend time with them. You also take pride in bad mouthing your ex in front of the child. If you expect a happy relationship, you’ve got to work WITH him, not AGAINST him.

All in all, there are a bunch of wotless (worthless) women around nowadays. They will go out with a man tonight, another one on Thursday and hop into bed with a third on Friday, all while enjoying the free lunches, dinners and tokens of affection from all three. Let me make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that I do not condone violence against either gender. But, sometimes when I see X was murdered due to a “love triangle”, “jealous husband”, etc. I can do nothing but shake my head. Some victims knowingly provoked their men into fits of rage and loved doing it. Take it or leave it, it’s the truth! Don’t get me wrong. There are also many, mentally unstable men out there who do not know how to be in a relationship and who can trip off at any time. I’m not speaking about that bunch. I’m referring to the good guys who are pushed and pushed till they can’t take anymore and then, they just lose it! It can happen to ANYONE.

For those ladies out there, wishing for a sugar daddy/daddies with no intention of giving anything in return, I wish you the best of luck. A whoring lifestyle is where you’ll more than likely end up, (And they’ll call it being independent, mind you). For those looking for a good man, they are out there, you just have to keep your eyes open and when blessed with such a specimen, for God’s sake, TREAT HIM RIGHT! Don’t mess him up for future encounters. For those who have a good man, but you think he’s not putting in enough effort or giving you enough money, here’s a suggestion: GET A JOB! Unless you’re rich or you have a man who enjoys gifting you from time to time, you can’t expect nice things unless you work for them. Be real! You want the nice house, nice car, fancy vacations and latest brands, but you’re doing nothing but whining like a four year old to get them. You ladies, are entitled to nothing. Nada, Zip, Zero, Zilch, NOTHING. If a man is working hard to provide for you both, you’ll get those things in time, but you can’t be unreasonable. Some of you come with nothing, but your demands. Uhhh no, it can’t work like that.

There is also the batch of women who say they want someone, but at the same time, “no man cah tell me nuttn”, “I is de Boss”, “He eh ruling me, is what I say, goes!” Then honey, hear what: Stay by yourself! You obviously don’t understand that a relationship is about give and take; it’s about two, not just you. If you’re good at playing Boss, then open a business and order other people around.

So, back to the question: do “good” women exist? Let me put it this way. There are several women out there who are genuine in their affections and looking for something long term. They won’t embarrass you in public. They will actually send you sweet messages to check in, or let you know they’re thinking of you. These women are happy to cook for you, cover you with kisses and put in the effort to keep themselves looking great for you. These are the ladies who will take an interest in your hobbies, your health and appearance and overall, well being. Women whose tone does not come across as harsh and quarrelsome , but kind and gentle. This lovely batch will go out of their way to ensure that you SAVE MONEY! Yes, it’s true! They will also hold down the fort to ensure that you complete your studies/projects in peace, while creating a better future for you both.

Remember though gentlemen, that nabbing such a valued creature does not come for free. These ladies expect you to love them just as much; to display your affection in public as well as private. Don’t hide her or your relationship from the world. Be proud of her and what she stands for. Take an active interest in her life and her family as well. BE FAITHFUL. Brighten her day with her favourite treat or a lovely dinner. Compliment her and notice the little things. Respect her and let her be herself. The ideal woman DOES exist, but unless you know how to treat her, she’ll slip through your fingers, along with your shattered dreams.