Final Farewell

Someone please kill me now before he does.
For years, I have had to mend the fragile pieces of my heart
And with one verbal blow,
He shatters me once again.
All that was good has been taken. Innocence, happiness and hope have been crudely washed away by the thousands of tears he has caused to run forth from my eyes. Blinded eyes, that once tried to see the good in a man, who preferred to dwell in the dark recesses of his mind.
My smile use to light up the faces of thousands,
Now, it’s plastered on,
Nearly robotic, it will react in kind as expected from the masses.
I have become a puppet,
For the one who pulled the strings to my heart have cut them loose
And with that, ripped the rest of my being to shreds.
I will continue to act
The world is a playground and in my last few scenes I will continue to entertain.
That’s what I was born to do…not so?
Everyone sees a bright aura around me and yet they can’t see it rapidly dimming on the inside.
I asked for nothing but your love.
In fact, I was only too happy to accept the scraps of attention thrown to me,
In your own time, when it suited you.
My heart can barely beat as the once vibrant red gush,
Has turned black and bitter with stagnant pain.
An ebb that will end in due time.
I deserve it.
For he who thinks that doing good will get you good,
Being sweet and kind will make happy your heart,
Is living in an already crumbling dungeon of delusion.
Let the spark of retribution dwell on in your dark soul.
Let the words of the worthless echo on in your mind.
For they are the only echelons you rather hear.
My loving words always fell into an abyss of no return.
No more you and me.
No more being a statistic of your whims.
One like me you shall never, however, ever find again.
Remember that, when you wish someday to return.
I will be long flying above the clouds,
In the company of those who gave unselfish love.
With that thought, I bide my time.
(c) Copyright Donna Philip 2017. All rights reserved.

 

Acquittal

Today my light will be extinguished…but my memory will live on. You will question yourself forever as to why you simply let me go. Right now I ask myself why wasn’t I ever enough for you? A simple soul, I required nothing but your love. Money, estate and fame could never warm my heart the way you did…at least in my mind.
My poor, delusional mind. That I could have actually thought I was capable of being loved, was such a mistake.Me? Special? ….’So amazing’ you once said. Such lies.
When others demanded your time you gave it freely. When they took advantage, you did not mind. When they slandered me, you willingly accepted it without question. And yet…you are the man I chose to love. They say fools are happy, but sadly I am not.
Today, I will awaken from my dying dream. I will release you from the mental bonds with which I had you entwined. You are free to be with whomever you choose. Not that she will bring you any peace…nor will I ever again. For in the wretched flame of desire, I see only your reflection. Only a man I had craved and prayed for everyday…for nothing.
I have deserved the best but got very little. Not barely enough to comfort me when I cried into my pillow for you. Not even close enough to make me feel wanted. You always lured me in, just to toss me back out without warning.
Be gone then. Since you seem to know so much about what’s good for my life, go on. I’ll stand here with the bitter truth obliterating what’s left of my esteem. Tearing at the shattered heart that is broken beyond repair. Cementing the fact that the ones who love truest, are destined to die from heartbreak over and over again. I have brought so much happiness to others, yet I await my own.
They say God is love, so perhaps it is time to meet my Maker and finally have the one thing I have searched for all my life.
The girl you knew is gone…There is nothing left for you to damage.
(c) 2017, Donna Philip, All rights reserved