The “good” woman. Fact or fiction?

We have ALL heard men complaining that there are no “good” women left. Probably just as much as women are bemoaning the fact that “good” men don’t exist and if they do, they’re either married or gay. Hmmm…so…the “good” woman. Does she exist or is she just a myth? The word “good” is debatable and it all depends on what you’re looking for. Bas might want someone who cooks and cleans, sleeps with him whenever he wants and keeps her mouth shut. Keith may prefer a lady who works and pays some bills, but one who also takes care of the home and children, without complaining. Then there’s Patrick who fawns over his lady. He wants to be man of the house, pay bills and help with the housework. His darling is there to be treasured.

Each of these men could find what they’re looking for in the pool of women that exist. However, they’ll need to look long and hard. The age of technology and the popularity of social media has made it easy for anyone with an internet connection to display their ‘talents’ to the world. Unfortunately, that comprises these days of “who could skin up the best”, “wine down the lowest”, “be the better cuss bud” or “baddest gangsta chic”. Some post recordings of what their ideal man should be and they aren’t ashamed to say “he needs to be very rich and take care of me. Don’t expect me to cook because I have better things to do like go to the spa and go to movies with my friends. Oh! and he should drive a Benz and buy me one too.” Classy ain’t it? It’s no wonder that many men are scared to date or even marry nowadays.

I often wonder what these women’s parents filled their heads with while growing up. We know that many mothers try to live vicariously through their daughters, and so, turn them into mini versions of themselves or, what they wanted to become. Sorry to say, but if your mother is/was a gold digging, nagging creature, then chances are, you’re going to emulate that too. If she was meek and submissive and tolerated abuse of any kind, that’s ingrained in you and you’re likely to follow suit. It all starts from the home and I pity those who had no suitable role models to look up to. There are some mothers who point blank tell their daughters, “breed fuh him, den make him mind yuh”; or “make sure he gives you his salary at the end of the month eh, dat is yours!”. Uh huh……rightttt.

I have zero problem with a man taking care of his woman. In fact, it’s his duty to. My issue lies in what exactly are YOU, as a woman, bringing to the table in your relationship? Are you just taking and taking and draining homeboy? Or are you doing YOUR DUTY and helping him become a better version of himself? Are you building him or destroying him and by extension, souring any prospect of a happy life together? For those stay at home wives or girlfriends, when he comes home after a long day, is he greeted with a clean home and a home cooked meal or is the pile of dirty dishes staring him in his face, while you update your Facebook status? Do you ask him how his day was, or do you start nagging him about X,Y and Z and the fact that you need money to color your hair?

Many men are often taken advantage of because many women do not know how to act in a relationship, or even conduct themselves in public. Who vex loss. It’s the truth. You’re with your man at an event, and yet, chatting up another man or flirting with his best friend. You’re in a committed relationship, yet you choose to keep close to several other men “just in case”. Some women take pride in verbally lashing out at their men in public, with the intention of humiliating him and showing his friends and family, who the REAL BOSS is. Others have a good man, but use their children as leverage. You take the maintenance money for yourself or the ‘outside’ man, neglect the child/children and STILL refuse to let their father see them or spend time with them. You also take pride in bad mouthing your ex in front of the child. If you expect a happy relationship, you’ve got to work WITH him, not AGAINST him.

All in all, there are a bunch of wotless (worthless) women around nowadays. They will go out with a man tonight, another one on Thursday and hop into bed with a third on Friday, all while enjoying the free lunches, dinners and tokens of affection from all three. Let me make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that I do not condone violence against either gender. But, sometimes when I see X was murdered due to a “love triangle”, “jealous husband”, etc. I can do nothing but shake my head. Some victims knowingly provoked their men into fits of rage and loved doing it. Take it or leave it, it’s the truth! Don’t get me wrong. There are also many, mentally unstable men out there who do not know how to be in a relationship and who can trip off at any time. I’m not speaking about that bunch. I’m referring to the good guys who are pushed and pushed till they can’t take anymore and then, they just lose it! It can happen to ANYONE.

For those ladies out there, wishing for a sugar daddy/daddies with no intention of giving anything in return, I wish you the best of luck. A whoring lifestyle is where you’ll more than likely end up, (And they’ll call it being independent, mind you). For those looking for a good man, they are out there, you just have to keep your eyes open and when blessed with such a specimen, for God’s sake, TREAT HIM RIGHT! Don’t mess him up for future encounters. For those who have a good man, but you think he’s not putting in enough effort or giving you enough money, here’s a suggestion: GET A JOB! Unless you’re rich or you have a man who enjoys gifting you from time to time, you can’t expect nice things unless you work for them. Be real! You want the nice house, nice car, fancy vacations and latest brands, but you’re doing nothing but whining like a four year old to get them. You ladies, are entitled to nothing. Nada, Zip, Zero, Zilch, NOTHING. If a man is working hard to provide for you both, you’ll get those things in time, but you can’t be unreasonable. Some of you come with nothing, but your demands. Uhhh no, it can’t work like that.

There is also the batch of women who say they want someone, but at the same time, “no man cah tell me nuttn”, “I is de Boss”, “He eh ruling me, is what I say, goes!” Then honey, hear what: Stay by yourself! You obviously don’t understand that a relationship is about give and take; it’s about two, not just you. If you’re good at playing Boss, then open a business and order other people around.

So, back to the question: do “good” women exist? Let me put it this way. There are several women out there who are genuine in their affections and looking for something long term. They won’t embarrass you in public. They will actually send you sweet messages to check in, or let you know they’re thinking of you. These women are happy to cook for you, cover you with kisses and put in the effort to keep themselves looking great for you. These are the ladies who will take an interest in your hobbies, your health and appearance and overall, well being. Women whose tone does not come across as harsh and quarrelsome , but kind and gentle. This lovely batch will go out of their way to ensure that you SAVE MONEY! Yes, it’s true! They will also hold down the fort to ensure that you complete your studies/projects in peace, while creating a better future for you both.

Remember though gentlemen, that nabbing such a valued creature does not come for free. These ladies expect you to love them just as much; to display your affection in public as well as private. Don’t hide her or your relationship from the world. Be proud of her and what she stands for. Take an active interest in her life and her family as well. BE FAITHFUL. Brighten her day with her favourite treat or a lovely dinner. Compliment her and notice the little things. Respect her and let her be herself. The ideal woman DOES exist, but unless you know how to treat her, she’ll slip through your fingers, along with your shattered dreams.

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

I once asked my Dad, “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” To my surprise, he replied “I’d want to be able to read people’s minds”. “But Daddy” I said, quite flustered, “Wouldn’t you want to fly? Wouldn’t you like to shoot lightning bolts from your fingers and zap people?!” Mind you, I was about 7 or 8 years old and thought that his idea of a super power was, well, Boring!

Fast forward 26 years later and here I am wishing that I could read people’s minds too! Life is funny isn’t it? It might not be a flashy offering of oneself, but boy or boy, the amount of pain and suffering I could have saved myself if I had known what people’s true thoughts were upfront. From professional and platonic to romantic and intimate. No one is perfect, but by God, there are some vipers out there just waiting to chew you up and spit out your soul to the devil!

In the professional world, I’ve met older persons who I thought had my best interests at heart. These were supposed to be mentors, persons I looked up to and hoped to emulate one day. Sadly, all they saw was another pretty face who they believed they could take advantage of and believe me, they tried. I count my lucky stars up to today, that my parents raised me with morals and the good sense to know my worth.

I lost my father at 16 and for some reason, many people see a young girl without a dad as vulnerable, naive and easy prey. Fortunately, I stood my ground. It wasn’t easy being pressured, insulted and made to feel as if I was disposable. I can remember all the times I heard “There are many other young ladies out there who would DO ANYTHING to have your job”. By ‘ANYTHING’ just think of the despicable acts that would be demanded of them for just a few dollars and shabby treatment. Thank God I never gave in. Bigger and better things were in store for me and I conquered in so many ways.

My Aries nature has bestowed upon me a certain fire and the propensity to hate fiercely when really pushed to the brink. Mind you, I don’t hold grudges. Once I categorize where you stand in my life, or out of it, I act decisively. Time has helped. Now, if I decide to cut you off, you are DEAD to me. There’s no going back, there will be no forgiveness, you just simply cease to exist. I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences. They happen ALL the time. So many public figures here in T&T and around the world pretend to be these decent, upstanding individuals when in reality, they are the lowest class of scum! You don’t have to look too far for them. Some fathers, uncles and elders also think nothing of abusing those care they have been entrusted. Disgusting creatures. Karma always gets to them.

I’ve also encountered many fakers who called themselves ‘friends’. They are people who sought to associate with me to find out my business, so that they could twist the truth and run with it to every corner and eager ear. Others figured that because of my standing,  they could benefit somehow from knowing me so “we’ll keep close to her, even though we don’t really like her. She might be able to help us”. The User Bunch. You know the type. Smiling in your face and laughing at you behind your back. Pretending to care while they pick apart and criticize your life. Those experiences have also taught me a lot so today, I keep my circle extremely small. Unlike many people, I don’t go out to lunches or dinners or meet up with guys. If I do, it’s because you’re MY guy and we’re in a relationship. That’s just how I personally choose to live my life. I want no one crossing the line or creating problems for my personal relationships which I take VERY seriously. If you do see me out with friends, it’s one group ALL the time—-people whose intentions I don’t question whatsoever.

As for romantic relationships. Ha! What a joke. I could write a book on this topic! Man is a funny species, just like women I suppose. You can be the sweetest, kindest, most loving and giving woman to him and he’ll still prove what an a$$hole he can be, not because he’s not happy, but because he can. Many men seem to think their options are limitless. They can keep having fun and lying to women forever and still be a ‘Dan’. No morons, you’re idiots and trust me, you will get exactly what you deserve.

There are men who think their time is running out to reproduce and so, in desperation, they must land someone to have a child with. To that bunch, who would cruelly lure in the innocent and color their dreams with hope, only to shatter them mercilessly, you deserve to end up rotting alone. There are so many stories I’ve heard of men who, in the beginning, pretended to love women, gain their trust, even get them pregnant in a few instances and then, started to treat them like dirt. Some women built their entire lives around these worthless men, only to end up mentally destroyed and physically hurt, in some cases. There are those who are married but pretend to be single and have the world of excuses as to why they’re ‘always busy’. Uh huh. Shameless. Another blog will be dedicated to you special individuals. Why can’t people be straightforward (men and women) and give the other person a real choice? Steupes…

On the other side of the spectrum, we’ve got the leeches nowadays who want sugar mommies to take care of them. Call me old fashioned, but a REAL MAN takes care of his woman. If madam wants to work and contribute financially, that’s all well and good. Money is money either way. But don’t tell me that as a hard back man, you expect to sit your behind at home, grinning to your friends that “wifey holds me down”. HELLLLL NO. If wifey, of her own volition chooses to keep a house-man, that’s a different story. I’m traditional. The man is head of the household–not head of me–but head of the home. If he’s contributing financially and keeping you comfy and paying bills, then the least you could do is be faithful, keep the house clean, cook brother man’s meals on time and don’t be a miserable nag. (Another post will deal with wotless women…yea…you guys know the type.)

In the last category, we’ve just got the suave fools who don’t even bother to hide their superiority complexes. They will have a good woman, and do everything in their power to belittle and hurt her, in public and behind closed doors. At first, they pretend to be so interested in you and your life. They charm you into thinking hey, my Knight has arrived! Little by little though, the facade falls off and as soon as they realize they’ve got you–BAM–the abuse begins. You all are pitiful.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing I tell you! They are everywhere and sometimes, you won’t have to look too hard to see their fangs poking out from under the fluff. The important thing is that after all these years, I have finally come home to me and I am quite comfortable at last, in my own skin. I have finally learned to love myself. One more thing, in case you ladies are just feeling disillusioned after reading this: There ARE good men out there, fabulous ones in fact. No matter how much you’ve been hurt, when you meet the right one, he’ll envelope you in warmth, love and a real sense of security. Someone who will, for once in your life, make the effort to show affection and treat you like his Queen. Keep the spark of hope alive for better days are coming 🙂